The Death and Life of Kenobi
by PadawannaB
Summary: There must be a balance, in all things that matter. So with each death, a new life began for Obi-Wan Kenobi. A lifetime of dying.
1. The Death

**Honeys, I'm home! A new SW obi-angst-no dialogue- fic for you. And now, once again, with feeling: not mine. Lucas's. I just wrote the story. _Dong-ma_?**

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><p><span>The Death and Life of Kenobi<span>

Obi-Wan Kenobi died.

It was not a quick death: merciful, painless. It was a slow one: so agonizingly slow that even Obi-Wan himself didn't know exactly when he had started to die. It had been a process; a series of events, of times and places, and the people in them.

A lifetime of little deaths.

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><p>First came the death of childhood, of constant security. Blast it, he was a grown man, had been a senior Padawan for years: his Knighthood would not be far away, he knew it. He had done some solo missions, had dreamed of exciting adventures of his own that would soon begin.<p>

But after each dream, he had someone he could tell about it, and after each flight he had a home to return to, and someone there to tell him he had done well, or that it would all be alright. Someone who always knew what to do, someone he could lean on, someone who would not judge his opinions, someone who, sometimes, knew him better that he himself did.

But then that someone was gone, nothing left of him but memories, a promise and a lightsaber, and the lingering presence in their rooms that would not let him sleep at night, screaming of chosen ones and failures, pains and things long past that could be neither forgotten nor forgiven.

Now he would have to be the dependable one, the one to be leaned on. He would have to leave the childhood dreams of being a Knight, and become a Master instead.

When Qui-Gon Jinn died, a part of Obi-Wan died as well.

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><p>Then came the death of peace, of innocence. He had always sworn to protect the people of the Republic, and even to kill if necessary. He'd been on scuffles and battles on countless planets; but a war of the entire galaxy... He was a Jedi, proud to be one, a guardian of peace, with speech and negotiation always as his first weapons. Now he became a soldier, bearing a military rank, it's weight heavy on his shoulders.<p>

He became a killer.

Blood in his hands, blood he could not justify or explain as easily as before. It tore him apart, from the inside, slowly and sneakily. The only way to cope was to accept, and learn to enjoy it. The _thrill_ of it. But that sickened him even more, to experience it all again, after ten years, the want, the _need_ to kill.

To go so close to falling down the melting pit again.

To jeopardise his faith in the laws and the ways of the Force and his kin, and just let it happen, forget what should, what ought to be.

When the Clone Wars began, so began the war inside Obi-Wan, a war that slowly killed.

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><p>The death of hope, of it all. He had known, before he had even watched the security feed, that it was Anakin. He had known. And he hated himself for that.<p>

The things that went down in Mustafar... Unspeakable, unthinkable, unbearable things.

His home, his friends... gone.

Padme... gone.

All, everything, the universe... gone. All was lost.

The nights on Tatooine were the blackest of his life. He tried to run from sleep, but sleep would always catch him, wrap him in nightmares of fire and two blades clashing with the intent to destroy. And dark were the dawns and the days as well, for even in the light he could think of nothing but the fire, the blades and the end of an era. The end of it all.

With Anakin's fall, came the fall of an Order.

And with Anakin's death, came the death of Obi-Wan.

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><p><strong>Rather cheery, was it not? Well, if you recall the name of the story, then you should already know that the next chapter will be even happier. <strong>

**You know what makes me happy? I think you do :)**


	2. The Life

**The end is here! Now, if you want to stick to the angst, don't read this, this is the balancing chapter. Since 'balance' is kinda the theme in this story, you know.**

**Well, anyways, here it is. Hope you like it, and if you already forgot, or if you just really think I own Star Wars: sorry to break the bubble, but I do not. I just wrote the story and this crap you're reading right now.**

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><p><span>The Death and Life of Kenobi<span>

Each death brings life, each end a beginning, each night a dawn.

Such is the way of the Force, and the world it holds in it's embrace. Where it takes, it gives, and where it hates, it loves. There must be a balance, in all things that matter.

And ,whether he knew it or not, Obi-Wan Kenobi mattered quite a lot.

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><p>The end of childhood was the beginning of being a parent.<p>

A time to pass on all he'd learned, from his Master, from experience.

A time to watch a child grow, fall and rise up. Become better that he ever was, or would ever be.

To share wisdom and stories, and to discover that a piece of his master still lived, inside him, in his teachings, in his words.

Qui-Gon Jinn had never died.

When Anakin began his journey, Obi-Wan learned to live again.

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><p>With the end of peace came the path of light. A path he had always travelled, but now, more than ever, found to ease away the visions of blood and the horror in the eyes of men dying.<p>

A time to form a new, stronger bond with the Force, and find solace in its embrace.

A time to form a new, stronger bond with his brother, and find laughter in the times of despair.

To discover that peace could still be found in the still waters and silent forests, in the paths of light.

When Obi-Wan found peace in the Force, the war in his heart subsided.

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><p>In the end of it all, just like the winds rush to fill emptiness, a new era began.<p>

A time to, during those dark nights, consider the choices made, and see the suns rise when they were accepted.

A time to remember a boy, a boy who came to him with a promise and left him with one, and to know it was being fulfilled. That another boy was growing up, not far from him.

To discover that Obi-Wan still lived, waiting for his time in the desert, while the world only knew a Ben, the wizard from the Wastelands.

When Luke Skywalker found his destiny, like a phoenix from the stories of old,

Obi-Wan Kenobi was reborn.

~Fin~

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><p><strong>There you go! I hope you liked it or something, and that you check out the rest of my stuff: there's not much of it, but the more you review or fave or something like that, the more I'm inspired and motivated to write. Or something.<strong>

**With love, (or not so much luve but affection in a friendship-platonicky (?) way, depending what kind of a person you are)**

**PadawannaB**


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